The Secrets of Sunshine Read online

  A voice in his head told him, ‘It’s her,’ but his brain argued against it.

  If this was Yvette, she didn’t look how she did in his memory. He wondered if he had assembled a photofit image of her in his head that wasn’t holding together in real life.

  She looked at him then gave a second glance.

  ‘Are you Mitchell? Mitchell Fisher?’

  And when he heard her voice, he knew it was her.

  ‘Yvette?’

  ‘Yes. Yes.’

  They grinned at each other and this was the moment he had been hoping for, since their encounter on the bridge and on the riverbank. The few seconds that passed between them felt like an hour, as their eyes met and stayed with each other.

  ‘Sorry. Gosh, you look so different,’ she said. ‘To how I remember…’

  ‘I do?’

  ‘It’s funny, but in my head, you were really tall, like, six feet two.’

  He felt his jaw stiffen defensively. ‘You had dark hair, when I last saw you.’

  ‘I decided to go blonde for a change.’ She ran her hand through her soft waves.

  ‘It’s great to finally meet you again,’ he said. His hand gestured in the air, not knowing where to go.

  ‘You, too.’

  They stood facing each other like children in a school play, waiting for a cue from a teacher.

  ‘I don’t know what to say. Everything is…’ She shook her head. ‘It’s so surreal. And I really want to hug you, to say thank you for helping me. Is that okay?’

  He smiled and stepped towards her. Touching her would confirm she was really here.

  Yvette moved forwards, too, but she placed her arm diagonally across her body. ‘It’s a little tricky,’ she said.

  ‘Yes, it is. An unusual situation.’

  ‘Oh, I mean… this.’ Yvette looked down.

  It was then Mitchell noticed that her scarf was some kind of sling. She reached out to him with one arm, but made a rocking motion with her other one.

  Mitchell looked down and saw two small blue eyes peeping back up at him from inside the folds of the fabric.

  ‘Connor is just waking up,’ Yvette said. ‘I think he wants to meet you, too.’

  The words Yvette has a baby streamed through Mitchell’s mind. He told himself she could be looking after it for a friend, but there was something in the way she held Connor, as if she loved every inch of him. He could tell she was the baby’s mum.

  ‘Is he the reason you’ve been away?’ he asked gently.

  ‘Partly. It’s a long story.’ Her hand shook as she pushed a strand of hair from her cheek.

  ‘I’d like to hear it,’ he said.

  They walked along the aisle into a room bursting with bright blooms. He remembered sheltering from a thunderstorm here once with Anita. She had laughed when he placed a stray flower behind her ear.

  Yvette sat down. ‘Connor was the secret I couldn’t share until the time was right. I’m so sorry for what I’ve put my friends and family through.’ She lowered her eyes guiltily. ‘I expect you have many questions for me, too. You risked your life to save me.’

  ‘I did what anyone else would do.’

  ‘No, not everyone…’

  ‘Then I found out you were missing.’

  Yvette nodded, her face drawn. ‘I’ll try to explain. It’s difficult to know where to start.’

  ‘Maybe at the beginning?’

  She smiled gratefully. ‘I was seeing a guy I knew through work for a few months, Victor. I knew Naomi, Liza and Mum wouldn’t approve of him, so I didn’t tell them. He was an alpha type and took charge of everything. And I liked that at first. But he was also obsessive. I saw him parked outside my house one morning, watching me. As time went on, I grew more unsettled by him. And then I found out he was skimming funds from mutual clients. I broke things off between us immediately and did some fishing around. When I found out the extent of his theft, I had to do something about it. I battled against my decision, but I spoke to my manager and she assured me it would all be handled discreetly.

  ‘Then I found out I was pregnant. I felt sick when I saw those two blue lines on the test. I didn’t want Victor or a baby. I was in line for promotion at work, had a holiday booked and I lived in a fancy apartment.

  ‘I went to the hospital and hoped they’d tell me I’d got it wrong, that I wasn’t pregnant at all.’ She gave a laugh of disbelief. ‘But I had a scan, and when the doctor told me I was sixteen weeks pregnant, I couldn’t believe it. I’d felt dizzy at work a couple of times, and I’d put on a few pounds, but it didn’t cross my mind that I might be pregnant. I’m forty-one and hadn’t seen having a child as part of my future.

  ‘However, when I saw this little one on the monitor, I knew I wanted to be his mum. I moved the buttons on my skirt along and kept everything to myself, needing to get my head around it all.

  ‘I remember going out for dinner with Liza, Naomi and Mum one night, and I was trying to find the right moment to tell them the news, but I couldn’t do it. I knew Mum would interrogate me about who the father was, and ask me a million other questions. She’d try to organize my life and I couldn’t tell her the father was a criminal. So, I decided to wait until after my mid-pregnancy scan, when I knew everything was okay with the baby.’ She looked down at Connor and gave him a wistful smile. ‘Except it wasn’t…’

  ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ Mitchell said.

  ‘The scan showed the baby had a heart defect. It felt like I heard the words but couldn’t take them in. It was like someone else’s life unraveling, rather than mine.

  ‘Again, I kept everything to myself. I went into work as if nothing was wrong. I think I was in denial, wishing my time away until my next appointment.’

  Mitchell thought about how Anita had breezed through her pregnancy with Poppy. He imagined how horrendous it would be to discover your unborn child had a serious problem.

  Yvette cradled Connor’s head. ‘When Naomi was pregnant, Mum used to crowd her with advice, always quoting statistics and articles she’d read to her. I couldn’t bear to go through all that. I was going to tell Liza and Naomi, but then the hospital gave me more bad news…’ She took a long breath. ‘They confirmed that they couldn’t operate on Connor until he was born. That’s if the pregnancy progressed for that long. And I felt like I was falling from the top of a skyscraper.

  ‘I can’t even remember leaving the hospital after that visit. I just kept on walking, unaware of where I was heading until I found myself standing on a bridge in the city. I looked over the railing and stared down at the water for ages. And I knew in those moments that I had to fight for my baby’s life. I’d do whatever it took for him to be okay, for me to be okay, because we had a chance.

  ‘I stayed in bed until my next appointment. I couldn’t sleep from worrying about the baby. I became a real mess.

  ‘The heart specialist was based in a different hospital a couple of hours away, and she was willing to keep an eye on me throughout my pregnancy. I thought it would help to move closer to her, and I was finally going to tell Mum, Liza and Naomi about my situation. But then Victor found out that I’d told on him. He showed up at my apartment one night. He was yelling and banging on the door, and I was so scared to see him, especially if he noticed if I was pregnant. I hid for ages until he’d gone and, in the middle of the night, I got into my car. I was shaking like a leaf, and I didn’t want to wake Naomi and the kids, or scare Mum, or disturb Liza. I just had to get away.

  ‘I drove to the hospital where the specialist worked, the first place I thought of rather than the police, and I begged a nurse to help me. I just wanted to protect the baby.

  ‘She helped check me into a hotel for the night. Her friend let out an apartment I could stay in, so I could be close to the hospital. I wrote to Liza, and to Jean, and Naomi, but I didn’t want them to know where I was, because I was paranoid Victor would find out.

  ‘The next weeks went by in a daze. I had assessments and sc
ans and I plunged into depression, the darkest place. The nurse, now a friend, brought baby clothes for me and food for my fridge. And I managed to get by.

  ‘Then one morning, when I was almost eight months pregnant, this little one decided to come early. I gave birth to him alone in the hospital, and I called him Connor after my dad. As I lay there recovering from my labour, the specialist carried out the first operation on him, and I had no idea if it would work or not. I didn’t know if I’d have a baby to hold at the end of it.

  ‘I sank even lower and was diagnosed with postnatal depression. I got it into my head it was truly best for Mum, Liza and Naomi that I wasn’t part of their lives any longer. I had some moments of lucidity and was able to write a few letters here and there. But all I wanted to do was keep me and Connor safe in a protective bubble. It was such a relief when I found out Victor had been sent to prison, out of the way.

  ‘All the hospital visits and Connor’s operations meant that time evaporated. I got good support, took medication and the mist began to clear, but it took months before I could allow myself to believe things might turn out okay for us.’

  ‘Is Connor okay now?’

  Yvette gave the smallest nod. ‘He’ll need regular checkups and possibly more surgery in the future. We have to take each day as it comes.

  ‘One day, I felt a bit stronger and was drawn back to the bridge. I wanted to take a first small step out of the gloom and hang a padlock for Connor. My friend, the nurse, got it engraved for me and was the only person I trusted to look after the baby. I used to sing Auntie Jean’s song to him when he was in my tummy, and the words felt perfect. ‘My heart is always yours.”

  ‘That was the day we saw each other on the bridge…’ Mitchell said. ‘Before you fell?’

  Yvette nodded. ‘I was deep in thought, looking at my padlock when I noticed you.’

  ‘We shared a smile,’ Mitchell reminded her.

  ‘It’s all such a blur. After I hung the padlock, I felt my earring fall out. It bounced and then disappeared. Liza bought them for my birthday and I love them.’

  ‘Golden cacti?’ Mitchell said.

  ‘Yes. You know about them?’

  ‘She told me.’

  ‘I leaned over the railing and I could see it there on the ledge. I reached further and further over, and felt the blood rushing to my head. I was still weak from looking after Connor and I lost my balance and fell. I remember the icy water, and then you in the water beside me.’

  When Mitchell looked back to that day on the bridge, he wasn’t sure why Yvette had caught his attention. Perhaps it was the sticky heat of the day, or because her curls reminded him of Anita’s, or maybe because a pretty woman had smiled at him after his years in the wilderness of grief. Perhaps he had recognized something within her, that she was a lost soul, too.

  ‘The doctor who helped me on the bridge wanted me to go to hospital,’ Yvette said. ‘But I didn’t want to go. I was desperate to get back to Connor, but I was in a state. So, I used the doctor’s phone to call Naomi rather than Liza, because she has children, too. She met me on the bridge and it was the first time I’d seen her in almost a year. I didn’t want to put her in a difficult position, but I swore her to secrecy, until I was ready to come home properly. But then she told me that Victor had been released from prison… And I wanted to hide away all over again.’

  ‘Liza and I found a letter from Victor at your apartment,’ Mitchell said.

  Yvette’s face grew pale. ‘He found out my new mobile number and texted me. He wants to meet me tomorrow in the city.’

  ‘How did he find it?’

  ‘I don’t know…’

  ‘You’re not going to see him?’ Mitchell stated, astonished she could be considering this.

  Yvette bit her lip. ‘I’m scared about what I did, reporting him, but he’s Connor’s father, Mitchell. I didn’t tell him I was pregnant but somehow, he found out. It’s best if I meet him, in public, and get this over with. I’m so tired and I just want to face up to my past so I can move on.’

  ‘You’ll need someone with you,’ Mitchell said. ‘You can’t meet him on your own.’

  ‘Liza said she’d look after Connor for me. I don’t want to worry Mum. I’ve put Naomi through enough, asking her to lie for me…’

  ‘You should tell a police officer.’

  She shook her head. ‘He went to prison because of me, but Victor has never harmed me – I don’t think he’d do anything violent.’

  ‘He was locked up because of something he did, not you.’ Mitchell thought for a while. ‘I’ll come with you.’

  ‘I can’t ask you to do that. You’ve done enough for me already.’

  ‘I want to do it,’ he insisted. He again thought of Anita and his sense of shame and loss. This time he could help. ‘I want to be there, for you and all of your family.’

  She took a while to consider this and gave him a small nod. ‘Thank you.’

  After leaving the conservatory, they headed back through the green wrought-iron entrance gates of the park. Yvette attempted to hold her umbrella over Mitchell’s head, but the spikes jabbed where his stitches had been.

  ‘Ouch.’

  ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I told you I was clumsy.’

  ‘You did. On the riverbank.’ He remembered. ‘You knock over wine glasses.’

  ‘And spike people in the head, it seems.’

  They shared an awkward small laugh that made them both feel stronger. And the smiles on their faces remained as they walked along the path.

  The rain pelting against Yvette’s umbrella sounded like a drumroll and Mitchell wondered what the hell they were both going to do when they encountered Victor.

  26

  Bench

  The following day, when Mitchell sat in Liza’s sitting room with the Bradfields, the air was thick with tension. He was glad Poppy was out of the way in her school club.

  Sheila sat on the sofa, clasping her hands anxiously. Naomi flitted around, plumping cushions, fetching glasses of water and squeezing Yvette’s shoulder reassuringly. Liza pasted on a smile, though Mitchell could see the stiffness of her body and the strain in her eyes. Yvette sat rocking Connor on her lap, soothing and whispering to him.

  They had all gathered here together before Mitchell would accompany Yvette to see Victor. She’d arranged to meet him in the middle of the Slab. Out of all the city bridges, Mitchell was glad it was this one. It was plain and wide, without any ornate railings or intricacies in its design. It meant Yvette would be out in the open with lots of people around. Even so, his stomach was a tight knot, uncomfortable as he sat on the sofa beside Sheila.

  ‘Are you sure about this, Yvette?’ Sheila asked. She kept a hand pressed to her chest and her breathing was heavy. ‘I’m so worried about you. We’ve only just got you back, and now you’re going to meet the man you tried to escape from. I blame him for all this.’

  ‘It wasn’t all about Victor, Mum,’ Yvette said. ‘It’s more about the decisions and actions I made over the last twelve months. He is Connor’s father.’

  ‘We’ve read his letter,’ Naomi insisted. ‘I saw him in the café with you, and how he treated you. He’s been in prison…’

  Yvette nodded solemnly. ‘I’m scared of him, too. He’s shaped my life for a long time. But this is more for me than him. I’m desperate to start afresh. I want to feel stronger with no more running or hiding. I want to be with my family and not have to look over my shoulder. I know I could do this officially, through mediation, but that could take weeks and months to set up. I thought about writing him a letter, but I’m just so tired and I want to take charge of things. I don’t want anything hanging over my head any longer.’

  Mitchell could see both sides of the situation. He could feel the worry and stress humming around the room. However, he could also understand how Yvette wanted to take this big step forward and move on.

  ‘I’ll be with you,’ he told her. ‘You’re not on your own.’
r />   ‘Thank you.’ She nodded nervously.

  The others didn’t say anything and Mitchell’s spirits faded when he sensed they didn’t think he was enough.

  ‘Everything will be fine,’ he assured them. ‘Really.’

  Liza raised her eyes at him. ‘What if that’s not enough?’

  The air was warm and thick outside, so Mitchell’s breathing felt laboured as he walked with Yvette towards the Slab. She looked twitchily around her, and Mitchell’s own legs felt jellylike from nerves.

  ‘The last time I saw Victor, he was hammering on my apartment door,’ she said. ‘He’s probably still furious with me.’

  ‘We’ll be in a public place. You’re not alone.’

  She walked without speaking for a while. ‘I know. Thanks for coming with me, Mitchell.’

  Everyone who passed them was in a happier place, buoyed up by the reappearance of the sunshine. Dogs scampered along the pavement, joggers wore smiles along with their Apple earbuds, and office workers donned sunglasses and chatted on their mobiles.

  Mitchell and Yvette reached the middle of the bridge five minutes before the agreed rendezvous time with Victor. The pavement was lined with low concrete benches. A couple lay draped across one of them, kissing languidly. On another, a man lay on his back with his socks and shoes off and a newspaper covering his face.

  Mitchell and Yvette approached an empty bench. She perched on the edge, and her feet shuffled on the ground. Mitchell decided to stand a few metres away, surveying his surroundings until Victor arrived. He pressed his back against the railing and when he crooked his leg, he felt his mobile phone pushed down in his pocket.

  Last night, he had used it to call Graham, and he thought back to their conversation.

  ‘What can I do for you, Mitchy Boy?’ Graham had asked when Mitchell said he’d like to call in a second favour, if possible.

  ‘I’m trying to find out what I can about a man called Victor Sonetti. Yvette knew him through work and discovered he was embezzling funds. She reported him to her company and Victor was sent to prison. He got out recently and Yvette could be in danger. Do you think Mason and Tony can help us at all?’ He recalled Graham’s words, about how he was glad the men were his friends not his enemies.